Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Just when you think you had it all figured out

I am sad today.  My friend delivered her daughter stillborn at 5 1/2 months. This is her 3rd failed pregnancy, 4 lost babies. Her daughter had a twin that they lost a month ago.  They are trying so hard to have another baby. Their daughter now is almost 2. I hurt for her still though. I cant imagine that loss. RIP baby Declan. 

Fathers day is fast approaching. I will gladly celebrate this day thankful for my father. As much as he gets on my nerves sometimes, he has always been there when I needed him. 
  I am thankful that my daughter is only 8 months old, and she does not understand what a father is supposed to be. Granted, I do not know how her father is with her. I have never seen it. From the time she was born until March, he had spent so little time with her. The court still granted him his time, but now he takes her and does what he pleases. She does not seem to adjust well. I do not know what this situation will bring for the future years, but it worries me. 
I hope that my daughter will one day have the same things to be thankful for. 

My life seems to be on a very bumpy road lately. Somewhere along the way I seem to have turned off the highway and hit the dirt road. Not that I have anything against dirt roads..they just aren't always great for progress. 
I have so many different things on my plate. What am I going to do with school in the fall? Because the program I was in didn't work out. So where do I go? What do I do? I have always been a bit on the indecisive side..choices are not always good for me.

Its the same concept with buying a house. Or a condo. Or a house. Probably a condo. See. Difficult. So many choices. Am I making a mistake? Maybe I should just rent..but do I really want to put all that money into something that I will never call my own? I don't think I do. I work too hard for my money. I want to have something to show for it. I want my daughter to have someplace stable to come home to. Not that apartments aren't stable..but lets be honest..they have a pretty rapid neighbor turnover rate it seems. I wish I could get a nice house in a neighborhood. I want Addie to have a yard and be able to ride her bike  and her awesome Barbie jeep that I will eventually buy her (maybe we will go with the is pretty spiffy). But I just don't see that right I guess a condo it is. 

Decisions. Decisions.


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